I met JD 20 years ago at work, when I noticed he had a red rose tucked into the lapel of his Italian suit which I thought was pretty cool, until I took count of the two dozen roses on my desk that my boyfriend had sent. I only had 23.

After chasing me for three years he has an opportunity to impress me when I took him up on his offer of lunch. He took me to a frozen yogurt place. It wasn’t a financial thing at the time, he had a six figure income. And it’s not that he didn’t know better. He’s in sales, and entertains all the time. I believe he wanted to invest as little as possible financially in order to get me into bed. His charm and good looks were usually enough. But not for me. He didn’t get a second chance until many years later, when I was at a low point in my life.

He got married and had a couple of kids, then the marriage blew up. JD became very active in the dating market using Match and Yahoo. He is very handsome, educated, and smart so he has plenty of options. But JD can’t control his anger or his mouth. At one black tie event when served a cream pie dessert he loudly asked the waiter to wrap it up so he could take it home and later eat it out of his date’s ass crack. She never saw him again.

He got married, and then became suspicious of his new wife. Breaking into her email account to check on her he discovered correspondence with another man. He began stalking her, and ended up with a restraining order, a lawsuit, and another divorce.

Between the first and second wife I reconnected with him. We met for drinks and I drank way too much. He told me that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore because I had gained weight. He slept with me anyhow. I don’t remember anything other than he had a special bed for his back that had independent controls for how firm each side of the bed could be. Oh and he had weight machines next to the bed. It’s clear that he used them. I snuck out in shame as soon as I was sober enough to drive.

I could never get over the fact that he was so hurtful about my weight, or that he was unable to control himself. But I stayed in touch as a friend offering my guest room to hide out, guiding him to be more tactful, witnessing the drama as relationship after relationship, job after job failed.

A few nights ago he wanted to come over with a surprise — he has adopted a sweet dog. He’s never been so kind. If only he could treat people the way he treats his dog. But the thing is, with a dog, they do what you want. You have the control. Women, bosses, co-workers, employees, children, they have their own agenda – and he can’t stand that. He’s Italian and would have worked well in the mob where lines of respect are clearly defined.

The fire was going, we were drinking wine, and he said “you know if you want, I could be your boyfriend”, we’ve known each other a long time.” I smiled and said thanks for the offer.

He’s been texting and calling a few times a day since then. Today I got a text “fuck you – you need to get back to me”.

No thanks. Being fat may have saved my life.